February 2012
Google Noobs
leilockheart:
Friend: Hi, how are you feeling today?
Me: I think I've hit an All Time Low.
Friend: Oh my gosh. What's wrong?
Me: Well, The Maine reason is that no one gets my band references.
Friend: Wait what?
Me: Can we go to dinner so I can explain. You. Me. At Six?
Friend: What are you talking about?
Me: Or I guess we could wait for summer... Is The Summer Set?
Friend: What the hell.
Me: I mean, we could go to a parade. Perhaps a Mayday Parade?
Friend: What the fuck is a Mayday Parade.
Me: Goodbye cruel world! Bring Me The Horizon!
Friend: You're so weird.
Me: I guess we're having a Fall Out, Boy.
Friend: I'm a girl.
Me: Yes, and Boys Like Girls.
Friend:
Me:
Friend:
Me:
Friend:
we're watching the Chamber of Secrets, and my...
chaystar:
Woman: Can I have birth control?
Government: No.
Woman: I got pregnant because I didn't have birth control and I don't want the fetus. Can I have an abortion?
Government: No.
Woman: I gave birth to my child but since I wasn't expecting it, I can't afford daycare. Can I have help paying for it?
Government: No.
attractive boy: hi i'm famous
attractive boy: hi i'm gay
attractive boy: hi i'm a douchebag
attractive boy: hi i'm twice your age
attractive boy: hi i'm a lot younger than you
attractive boy: hi i'm taken
attractive boy: hi i'm going to friendzone you
“I like drinking coffee alone and reading alone. I like riding the bus alone and...”
– Unknown (via -mudgepi)
“Celebration when your plan is working? Anyone can do that. But when you realize...”
– “Cold Tangerines” by Shauna Niequist (via julie911)
A 3 months pregnant woman falls into a deep coma....
Doctor: You had twins, a boy and a girl, and they are both fine. Luckily, your brother named them for you.
Woman: Oh no, not my brother! He's an idiot! What did he name the girl?
Doctor: Denise.
Woman: Well it isn't so bad, and what did he call the boy?
Doctor: Denephew.
“I think it’s very healthy to spend time alone. You need to know how to be alone...”
– Oscar Wilde (via loveyourchaos)
